We Talk About it To Honor the Memory, A Suicide Awareness Story

This is the personal account of Toni Reid, a senior accountant for Highpoint Health with Ascension Saint Thomas. We thank her for sharing her family’s story of loss to help prevent another tragic suicide.

September 4, 2011, was the day that my life changed forever. We lost my daddy, Larry G. Roark (the G is for Good as he would say) to suicide.

Before that, I knew of people who had committed suicide, but I had never known a loss like this. I am the youngest of four girls, and I felt like daddy had a good life … a loving wife of 50 years, four children, grandchildren, etc. He was a farmer, so he stayed outdoors. He loved horses, and he was so friendly, outgoing, a “give you the shirt off his back” kind of man. But I guess that goes to show you that you cannot judge a book by its cover.

People can become good at hiding their emotions. For two years, daddy struggled with something. Honestly, we still to this day cannot tell you what it was that took control of his life. He became quiet, scared, fragile, and he felt like his life was over. At the time in his life when he should have been enjoying retirement, he felt like he had nothing else to live for.

We tried inpatient and outpatient therapy, hypnotism, medications, etc. We had MRIs, CTs, you name it, and we kept thinking that there had to be some medical reason for his change in behavior. The person who my daddy had become was the farthest thing from his true character. We, as a family, especially my mother, were affected by this as we never knew what the day was going to hold.

Daddy did not raise tobacco or sell horses anymore, so I feel like he thought he could no longer be the provider and protector that he expected himself to be. He worried about money – a lot. He wanted to provide for his family. We all have issues, whether they are financial, emotional, etc but suicide is NOT the answer!

There is no one to blame for suicide, but we all share the guilt. We blame ourselves and have asked the same daunting questions like “What else could I have done?” “How did I miss that?” or “What if….”

I do not think people with mental issues really want to die. I think they just want the pain to stop. I wish they could realize that the pain does not go away. It is merely transferred to someone else. To you and I. Those of us left here to deal with the aftermath of their decision.

Grief is a deep emotion that we all experience differently. There is no set solution in which to recover. It is not a mental illness to be cured. Many people think you are not supposed to talk about grief. Maybe they think it shows weakness. I think it shows courage and compassion. Even now, we have some people who ask us why we talk about it so much, why we participate in events, and my favorite – “Why don’t you just move on?” Well, that is much easier said than done, and that is not how my family works.

I do fundraisers each year to help donate money to help TSPN, which is the TN Suicide Prevention Network. Our surrounding communities have supported us for 9 years (would have been 10 years but we lost a year due to Covid). After this year’s donation, I will have donated over $9,250. My family and I have met some wonderful people through this journey. A journey we never asked to be a part of, but a journey that we will continue in hopes of being there for someone in need.

We all know what 911 is, but have you heard of 988? If you or someone you know finds themselves in need, you can call or text 988 and be connected to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline where mental health professionals are available to help 24/7. Some of our donations have helped to fund a project to provide magnetic stickers of 988 to be put on school buses in various counties.

Please reach out - they cannot help you if they don’t know you need it. Ask for Help to Fight another day.

We just want others to realize that they are not alone. Help is available. We pray that you never do, but if you ever find yourself down and depressed, remember life is full of choices. We are asking you to make the choice to get help. For us, our coping mechanisms are to tell our story to anyone willing to listen, love each other and find a way to help each other – even if it is just one day at a time. Remember the positive moments with your loved ones. Be grateful for the good memories and appreciate the time we were able to spend loving that person. Focusing on the good times is a reminder that your relationship with that loved one was one of happiness. Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants the pain. But you can’t have a rainbow without the rain.